


and the moon is wilder every minute

by reeding



Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, also every time i use repetition to sound like a Good Writer, take a shot every time i say love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-17 00:11:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16505411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reeding/pseuds/reeding
Summary: Her feelings for Claudia are the sky, the ocean, the horizon - boundless and unending, beautiful and captivating. And being in love with her is something she is more than happy to carry through her life with her. Claudia being in love with her, however, is not.





	and the moon is wilder every minute

**Author's Note:**

> ok listen i am Not a writer i have no idea what i'm doing i just did a thing and i'm tired of looking at the thing so now it's our thing :D

She isn’t sure when she fell for Claudia. Maybe it was over firelight under a pitch black sky after a long day of walking. Maybe it was when neither of them could sleep because of haunting dreams or hopeless thoughts and so both took on the responsibility of keeping watch while the others rested. Maybe it was when Claudia fell behind the rest of the group on their trek and Rayla slowed down so she wouldn’t be alone. Maybe it was the night after when she wondered what had changed to make her show some amount of kindness toward a girl who had tried to kill her. Maybe it was during a fleeting moment when Claudia laughed at something she said, or smiled at her, or looked at her, or anything at all because lately, it seems like all it takes is for Claudia to breathe and Rayla is entranced.

Whenever it happened, Rayla didn’t fall for Claudia in any poetic way. From what she had heard about love it was kind of significant, but her fall was more of a drop. It missed her almost entirely. It was only through serious thought and analysis of blushes and butterflies in her stomach that she even knew what had happened.

So, it isn’t poetic. It isn’t particularly fast or slow, it isn’t soul crushing or relieving. It doesn’t upheave everything in her life, it’s just something she is. She loves her. It comes to her like breathing does. It’s apart of her like anything else is - a piece of herself she can’t ignore. Although, she finds that after a while, she doesn’t want to. 

The thought is harrowing for a long time. Being in love with someone like her sounds like a disaster in ways she can’t begin to explain. Mostly because the idea of living with such feelings inside her sounds like it will tear her apart. Because she has heard horror stories about what being in the throes of love can do to a person. Because she is who she is and Claudia is who she is and it could never end in any pleasant way.

But the feeling of dread passes and it’s okay. Rayla thought she knew what love is. But the people who write of their tragedies and heartbreak, she thinks, just go about it the wrong way. The error in falling for someone is convincing yourself there might be a chance for your happily ever after. Luckily, Rayla doesn’t and will never have such a problem. 

She doesn’t want to be with Claudia. She doesn’t think about a future where they are happy and in love and everything is perfect because she is not at all interesting in pursuing what she feels. She’s not even interested in humouring the possibility. She loves Claudia and that’s that. 

And something that is so often overlooked by the melancholic poetis how nice it feels to be in love. It’s feeling a rush every time you’re near them. It’s everything in your life becoming a little brighter because they are apart of it. It’s such a deep and consuming feeling that Rayla didn’t even know she was capable of. It feels bigger than anything she’s ever felt in her life. 

Her feelings for Claudia are the sky, the ocean, the horizon - boundless and unending, beautiful and captivating. And being in love with her is something she is more than happy to carry through her life with her. Claudia being in love with her, however, is not.

In hindsight, spending such a great deal of alone time with Claudia was not one of her brightest ideas. But she can’t help it; being with her made her feel light, brighter than she has ever felt before. So, when Claudia suggests they go for a walk together under the - admittedly romantic - stars, it’s just not within her capacity to refuse. Then she asks again. And again. And over and over until she doesn’t have to ask anymore. Until it’s second nature to both of them. Until Callum starts asking questions about their relationship and Rayla can’t think of an excuse that makes sense besides the truth. Until Rayla realises Claudia feels something for her, and once that happens, there’s no going back.

Claudia communicates her feelings in a very different way than Rayla, mostly because Rayla tries not to do it at all. Claudia, on the other hand, puts no effort into hiding how she feels. 

It’s clear first in the way she acts around her; specifically all the unnecessary physical contact. On their nights under the light of the stars, she almost always holds her hand. She doesn’t accidentally graze her hand when they are walking side by side as Rayla may have considered once or twice, nor does she find logical reasons to hold her hand. She just holds it. She waits until they are far enough from the group that they won’t be seen and takes her hand in hers, fingers crossing fingers, thumbs pushing together, wrists wrapped around each other. And Rayla never stops her. She focuses her energy on trying to silence the roaring butterflies in her stomach and, for the first few times, tries to think of a logical reason why this might be happening.

It’s in the way her gaze lingers on Rayla for a beat too long over the glow of the fire. In how she laughs at everything resembling a joke with that laugh that drives Rayla’s heart insane. In how she talks to her; unadulterated, flirtatious, brave.

It’s almost like she doesn’t know or doesn’t care that nothing could ever happen between them. It’s not an admirable bravery, all it will do is make the end all the more bitter. So Rayla decides one night, her hand clasped securely in Claudia’s and heart beating in a familiarly unsteady rhythm, to bow out before it could get worse. 

“Maybe some nights we could invite Ezran. He’s always so jittery before bed.” Rayla suggests. It’s on this night that she feels something shift in her feelings for Claudia. Something that scares her.

Claudia simply hums in response, briefly tightening her grip on Rayla’s hand in the way she does a lot. A way to instill some kind of security when she can tell Rayla’s head is spinning.

“Or…” Rayla starts again, feeling nervous and sad and hating herself for it, “maybe you could ask someone else every now and again.”

She can feel the air change as soon as the words come out. Claudia stops, her hand still in Rayla’s causing her to be jerked backwards. They stop just short of the forest and Rayla can’t turn around. She can’t see the hurt she knows she has caused her. She hates how this is making her feel. But that is the very reason it has to end. 

After a moment, Claudia sighs, her voice small when she speaks. “It’s only for us.”

Rayla squeezes her eyes shut, her hand tightening around Claudia’s in an attempt to send a message she’s not even sure of. She feels Claudia move closer to her and tenses.

“I can’t need you like this.”

“It’s not about need.” Claudia replies almost instantly, a bite in her tone.

“Claudia-”

“I like spending time with you. I like talking to you about stupid stuff and holding your hand and getting to feel normal again. No one else can make me forget about all the craziness going on right now.” She tugs on her hand gently and Rayla can’t help turning around. And then she’s there. Right there, a few inches away from her, one hand anchoring her to the earth and the other reaching up to her face and touching her softly.

Rayla breathes and stills herself. She knows what has changed. It’s like all of a sudden she has hope for what this could be. Whether it be after they return Zym to the dragon queen or somewhere along the way or even tonight, Rayla wants to be with Claudia. She suddenly knows what the poets are talking about. This feeling is one she can’t live with.

She doesn’t respond as Claudia plays with the end of the braid in her hair, choosing to look into her eyes and steel her nerves.

Claudia smiles. “Who cares if I need you just a little? You make me feel… I don’t know. Better. You make the days easier to get through. I don’t see why that’s such a bad thing.”

“What do you think happens once we get to Xadia?” Rayla starts, taking a step back so Claudia’s hand falls from her face. “Do you think everything is going to change magically? That your father suddenly isn’t going to despise elves along with everyone else in Katolis? We can’t end the war inside people.”

Rayla thinks she sees tears in Claudia’s eyes, but if they were there, they are gone within seconds as Claudia hardens.

“What’s it going to take to make you realise that I don’t care what my dad thinks? Do you seriously still not trust me?”

“It’s not that-”

“I don’t get you, Rayla,” she says, bitterly yanking her hand away from hers, “The energy you put into convincing yourself everything has to end in tragedy. It’s like you don’t want to be happy.”

Rayla opens her mouth to reply but every coherent thought has fallen out of her head so she just stands there in the devastated face of the girl she loves and does nothing. A part of her wants to reach out, take her hand again, walk into the forest and forget this ever happened. But that wouldn’t make anything easier and prolonging this would only make the inevitable hurt more.

“This has to end.” The words cut her tongue. 

“Why?”

“I don’t want to hurt you-“

“That’s not what I asked.”

“It’s hard to explain.”

“You’re giving up. You’re afraid.”

“That’s not what it is.”

“Rayla-“

“I’m not asking you to understand. This is how it’s going to be now.” She hates this. 

“Can you just stop-“

“It’s too hard. You just don’t get it.” She hates herself. 

“Just talk to me.”

“I’m sorry.” She hates everything. 

“I love-“

“Please.” She loves Claudia. 

It hurts. She can feel every nerve in her body rejecting her words. Her heart yelling Claudia’s name. She can feel how badly she wants this. She wants to be happy and in love and have a future with her; she wants it so bad the longing threatens to tear her apart. She’s never felt anything like it. If this was to be what brought her downfall, she’s not even sure it would be an unwelcome surprise. 

It’s like Claudia can feel it too, because when Rayla looks in her eyes, there is no sign of belief. She looks hurt and upset and maybe even a little angry, but nothing Rayla has said has gotten through to her. Rayla isn’t sure if that’s a good or a bad thing. She isn’t sure of anything anymore. 

It takes all of her to not look away. Whether that’s for pride or respect or whatever else, she doesn’t know. But it seems important that she looks at her like this - maybe one of the last times she can look at her like this - even if she can’t bring herself to say anything else. 

Luckily she doesn’t have to say anything, because Claudia isn’t through. Her expression has turned softer, though. It eases Rayla’s nerves. An unenviable warmth sets in her. 

“I know thinking about the future can be scary. I think about it too. But it doesn’t matter what anyone else has to say about it. The only person whose input I care about is you.” She looks down and bites her lip. “And I know it’s not just me being crazy. I know you feel something too.”

“It’s nothing-”

Claudia’s looks up, her eyes wide as she takes a step closer to Rayla, her hands coming up to either side of her face. 

“It’s everything,” she says and kisses her.

Rayla didn’t fall for Claudia in any poetic way, but there is something to be said about this kiss. Something flowery and expressive and deeply descriptive at a level Rayla’s thoughts can’t work at. Especially not right now.

It’s not until Claudia’s lips are on hers that she realises she has thought about this before. Probably in the moments before she falls asleep when she is completely vulnerable to whatever intrusive wants she pushes down when she is conscious enough. But she has definitely thought about it before, she knows because this isn’t at all what she expected.

She imagined she would get lost in it. Just lose herself completely: her grip on reality, her control of her body. She expected everything in the world to start and end with Claudia’s lips. But that’s not exactly what she got, because everything starts and ends with Claudia.

She hasn’t lost sense or control or grip in anything, in fact, she becomes hyper aware of everything. Claudia’s hands starting on her cheeks and moving slowly to push her hair behind her ear, her fingertips gentle and deliberate in their movements. The warmth she could feel from Claudia’s body as she moved closer to her. Her own hands settling at her waist, awkwardly at first, then secure like she actually knows what she’s doing. The moment of resolve when Claudia pulls back just for a moment, how she looks at her, how her thumbs caress her face gently, how Rayla’s eyes don’t open fully, how she is the one that pulls Claudia back into her. 

If before she was giving up, this could only  
be described as giving in. It feels good to give in. She decides that letting herself love Claudia loudly and openly like this is much better than the quiet deprecating love she limited herself to before. 

She can feel Claudia smile as she pulls back. She can feel herself smile. She almost rolls her eyes at herself. 

“So…” Claudia giggles softly, her arms falling to Rayla’s waist, Rayla’s wrapping around her neck. “Are we done with the dull boring serious sad stuff?”

“Sure,” Rayla breathes, her voice coming out in an embarrassing puff. She does roll her eyes that time, and Claudia laughs as she rests her forehead on hers. 

“If I had known all I had to do to stop all your pessimism was kiss you, I would’ve done it sooner.”

Rayla feels her cheeks heat up. Even now in the aftermath of all that, she still lacks a fraction of Claudia’s courage. Figures. 

She smiles and sighs, reluctantly pulling back from Claudia. She reaches behind her to pull Claudia’s hands off her waist and takes one of her hands in her own. She squeezes. 

“Come on,” she says, tugging her hand in the direction of the camp, “We’re gonna have a lot of explaining to do.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is the part where i ask you for constructive criticism but i can't take any kind of criticism so thank you for reading my garbage i owe you my life!


End file.
